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Sex after the menopause - careful going shopping! :)

Posted by Kinky Betty on

I was dreading it - would I be able to have great sex after the menopause?  Would it be painful? I was expecting to have dust and cobwebs hanging around the lady garden, and we are not talking Alan Titchmarsh or Monty Don either.

The menopause went pretty smoothly albeit with night sweats which were unbearable. I’m sure that I could have been plugged into the national grid and at times heated a small country, but nevertheless I survived and came out the other side.

And sex after 50 has never been better.  

Some people are worried about vaginal dryness and I’m not scared to use lube but I find that actually I get as wet, or even wetter, than I did before.  

Pelvic floor exercises and kegel balls

One thing I would recommend ladies is to do your pelvic floor exercises. There are some wonderful products out there to help and have fun at the same time - kegel balls, orgasm balls, ben wa balls, jiggle balls, etc. including ones made of glass and steel - and some are truly beautiful.  Kegel weights sound a bit scary mind you! But don’t fear as nothing like that is needed if you find the right advice from a professional, and the web is awash with useful info with the correct way to do this - sat watching the TV, shopping…don’t over exercise mind you…it’s not a marathon

However, be careful if you go down the sex toy kegel exercise route - great fun but I did have a disaster on a trip to Sainsburys!

After much reading and research, as you do, I stumbled on some steel duo balls…basically pop the little darlings in and let the vagina grip and hold them - easy to use.  So I did just that - popped the little balls of joy into my vagina, and whatever possessed me, decided,  “actually this is easy .. I’ll go shopping!!”

So if you know Sainsbury’s you always have the veg section first and I was wandering around, getting a little turned on by the way having never done anything like this before and then realised “I can’t do this for a full shop.”  I could gradually feel my muscles not gripping as much as I once thought - thankfully I’d put on pants, but not jeans for added support.  

Cut a long story short - shopping was tomatoes, cucumber and an iceberg salad for tea!. I had the feeling that everyone was watching me as I started to do the strangest of walks, crossed legged, holding wee motion  (ministry of silly walks anyone), and if you’ve done this ladies you know you end up doing a strange kind of wiggle.  I was pretty relieved to see not many at the checkout and as soon as I was in my car these bad boys were out quicker than you can say fanny flaps.

Big lesson learnt - never try any products that involve down there, without a trial run in the safety of your own home… oddly these little bad boys are magnetic, and have the ability to attract safety pins and paper clips so they came in handy.  I’ll be honest, the weight of them was unexpected and a surprise...could you imagine it, picking eggs and them dropping out like bouncing bombs down the aisle.

One of the great outcomes is now I have the strength to hold my partner’s cock, and if I really try I can massage from top to base.  Don’t worry I won’t be shooting ping pong balls out of my vag…but don’t neglect this muscle group.

At this rate I plan to be having great sex in my 80’s, 50 is the new 20 😊

UPDATE - just had these fantastic new glass yoni eggs arrive in stock.  If you get bored with kegel exercises then they make beautiful ornaments :) 

1 comment


  • All I can do is 🤦‍♂️ I’m used to such stories 😂 Please feel free to share any of your own silly moments and close shaves

    Mr Betty on

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