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The stigma around men and sex toys...

Posted by Mr Betty on

...are wankers really wankers? 

Since starting kinkybettys.uk it is noticeable how many sex toys we sell to men and how many search and have an interest. We also notice back in the real world, and in our swinging and friendship circles, how many keep a little quiet about it. There is still something a bit taboo about men owning sex toys. 

"Sex toys for men" covers a wide spectrum of course, from cheap and simple cock rings, up to sex dolls costing thousands so it is hard to generalise but, overall, there is a bit of a seedy image and men who use toys are often seen as desperate weirdos or having some kind of problem. There is a clear contrast with attitudes to ladies who use sex toys. There are a few myths out there which I will address below. 

Overall men who use sex toys are not over wanking wankers although reading some of the standard product descriptions put out my toy manufacturers it is sometimes easy to see why some think that way - the Fuck Me Silly Legs Mega Masturbator 3 is a classic of the genre. 

What kind of male sex toys are there? 

Well they are not all about wanking obviously although masturbators is a huge category and we sell more of those to men than anything else. I divide the toys into two categories - those just for men and what you might call unisex toys - including things often associated with ladies.

Sex toys just for men

- Fleshlights and other vibrating masturbators like this Vibration Blow Job Masturbator from Satisfyer, some of which are realistic and some a bit more...ahem...industrial. Fleshlight is one of the most search for sex toy terms which tells you something 

- Cock rings, ranging from cheap glorified rubber bands up to app-controlled luxury vibrating cock rings and beautiful steel bondage cock rings that are works of art. The ones from Oxballs are the dog's bollocks, so to speak

- Prostate massagers, special shaped dildo type toys shaped to reach the all important P-Spot 

- Penis sleeves, generally made of silicon, that go, partially or fully, around the penis for masturbation or for added length or girth during penetrative sex

- Penis pumps, ranging from the basic manual pumps to much higher-end automated pumps with built-in safety features. Often sold as a means to a bigger cock they really don't make much difference to length but can add girth temporarily. More for people who need a bit of help to become erect and some extra pleasure along the way 

- BDSM items like chastity cock cages or for cock and ball torture for the more squeamish

- Sex dolls, well technically not just for men as a few male sex dolls out there for ladies but it is 99% for men and the range is vast - cheap blow-up sex dolls for £10 all way up to modern realistic sex dolls with AI costing thousands

Sex toys for men and ladies

There are so many toys out there largely targeted at ladies but that work great for men as well if you are brave and kinky enough:

- Butt plugs and other anal toys of course, as we all have that part of the anatomy

- Dildos and vibrators, ditto not just for ladies

- Massage wands, perhaps more surprising but so much fun to be had with a Doxy or other wand. Can either use as it comes on your cock to masturbate or buy attachments with cock sleeves. Mrs Betty likes using our wand on me to tease 

- Lots of BDSM items of course such as nipple clamps work just as well for men as ladies but you don't often see them targeted at men. Saying that I've got small nipples and attempts to put them on have failed

Sex toys more taboo for men than ladies?

I would be very interested to hear what you all think on this but it seems this is broadly the case, for a whole host of reasons. Please comment below or in the Naughty Corner Chat where you will find a reference to this blog. 

There was a time when all sex toys were a bit taboo for both sexes and of course they still are for ladies, to an extent. However, even in more liberated circles if a lady says she has a rabbit vibrator or a massage wand nobody will bat an eyelid but if a man says he has Fleshlight or some kind of realistic masturbator device, little warning lights may begin to flash. 

A vibrator or dildo is a representation of a man's penis (sometimes very realistic as well) and is fine to use sexually. A representation of a lady's vagina used sexually seems much more seedy which is a bit unfair.  More generally, especially for those with partners, ladies often see use of sex toys by their men as a sign that they are not good enough, rather than as something to complement and improve their sexual relationship. To some extent, this goes the other way too I know with men feeling threatened by ladies with sex toys. I've certainly seen many men on dating/swinging chat groups and forums be very quiet on the whole sex toy subject in "public" but tell me about all sorts of things in private.  

Myths about men and sex toys

Myth 1 - men who use sex toys are losers

Yep you are only using sex toys because you are a loser who can't find a lady, or a man if you are gay. Well first off, funny how this is never said about ladies - it's all rather sexy a lady using a vibrator and making herself cum, including gushing, but heaven forbid a man cumming into a Fleshlight. Please don't feel like this. Everybody goes through times without a partner and if sex toys help you feel good in the meantime then great. They may even make you a better sexual partner in the future. 

Moreover, sex toys are not always a substitute for a sexual partner but can complement one. You can use a masturbation cock sleeve alone or together, for example. Or perhaps you have an interest in anal play on yourself and want to practice. You might be surprised that a future lady partner might quite enjoy exploring that with you. Anal play is not just for ladies which leads on to...

Myth 2 - men who use anal sex toys are hiding being gay

Of course first off there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi - for some this is still a stigma in itself but liking a bit of anal stimulation does not even mean you are bi. You can want a lady's finger in your arse, or tongue, and wanting to play with a small dildo or butt plug is no different. And why not go further with a prostate massager - if you like it, do it and don't worry. Perhaps a lady friend might enjoy exploring this with you. Lots of men like using toys on ladies and it is the same the other way around. 

Myth 3 - men who use sex toys are just weirdos

Lots of us have things that others consider extreme that we want to explore and experience. Sometimes you get lucky and can do that with others but sometimes you either need or want to do it alone. Sex toys give you an avenue to explore the weird and wonderful, kinky and extreme without harming others so go for it. 

Do some things step over the line? Maybe. There are probably child sex dolls out there which would fall into the weird and troubling category and even some of the adult sex dolls raise a few questions but this is tiny portion of wonderful world of male sex toys.  That aside I would say the industry does itself no favour with how some of the products are marketed with names and products descriptions that can be disrespectful to ladies. Probably the same can be said of the some of products targeted at ladies too with talk of giant cocks, etc

Myth 4 - men who penis pumps and cock rings have Erectile Dysfunction 

Well, some clearly do but it's nothing to be ashamed about.  Some people have genuine medical problems and need a bit of help to enjoy themselves. Actually, whisper it quietly, but some ladies are the same - for example, not being able to have penetrative sex due to medical issues but nevertheless having a wonderful sex life doing other things. 

But the vast majority of men using cock pumps or cock rings don't have any problems and just want to be a little harder, more girthy or maybe a touch longer (although don't expect much on that front for very long with a cock pump.)  Cock rings especially are wonderful little things and really make a difference to hardness and girth adding to the pleasure for both partners.  They are also a route in male bondage with some wonderful bondage cock rings for those who want to get a bit more kinky. 

Again, the industry sometimes does itself no favours marketing cock pumps as means to get a much longer penis. I had one person asking me to recommend a cock pump and then inquiring as to whether if he used it regularly he could gain 2 inches - ummm perhaps not.  

Myth 5 - men who like sexy outfits and pants are gay or crossdressers 

First off, nothing wrong with being gay or a cross-dresser although some see it that way. However, as a men, liking to wear something sexy like lacy pants or tight fitting shorts and shirt to show off your body means nothing of sort.

At a swinging club or party, or evening privately for two, the default for ladies to feel sexy is some lovely lingerie, perhaps suspenders, a body stocking or basque. For men, it is wear a suit or "smart casual."  Well if you feel fine in a suit go for it but it's the last thing I want to wear if it cost hundreds of pounds and is likely to be crumpled in a corner within 30 minutes!  Men can embrace their sexy side too and still be masculine and straight. And if you haven't tried lacy men pants, they feel wonderful and look incredibly sexy. 

Just enjoy it all and don't be shy! 

Whatever your interests just go for it and enjoy. There is so much fun out there and life is too short to miss out. We have created a little "for men collection" as a taster but just browse the menus or search away via the search box. 

Also really interested to hear your thoughts on this topic so comment below (you don't have to put your real name and email won't show) or pop over to the Naughty Corner Chat to discuss. 

 

3 comments


  • Used to use a cock pump at Hen Nights years ago as stripper. On a show and 200 screaming girls shouting “cock cock cock”. The drag act is saying get ready girls and if you are struggling to get hard out comes the trusted pump. Then used to tie a stocking in baby oil around and good for 20 minutes or so! Behind the scenes info of a night :)

    UK Comedian on

  • I’d say there is definitely a stigma/taboo re men and toys. Perhaps its the secretive nature of men, but I find when in company that ladies are far more open about using such things when compared to men, where its quite secretive. Similar in a way to the good old days when a purchase of a porn magazine would always require a ‘brown plain paper bag’ from the newsagent. Much of it I think is due to what society perceives as ‘norms’ and what is and is not acceptable.

    I have used some of those listed – fleshlights, vibrating penis sleeve, cock rings, cock pumps. I don’t feel embarrassed about it and have had lots of fun ‘flying solo’ or with my partner. I don’t think I’m a loser or a weirdo. I agree that for cock rings, Oxballs are the dogs nuts – I have different variations and the combined cock ring and ball stretcher is a thing to experience guys if you have never worn one – certainly a sensation I have never experienced before.

    Personally I don’t class a cock pump a sex toy, but as a medical aid. Yes it can temporarily make you longer and add girth but this is normally at the expense of all feelings and sensations in that area. In fact more expensive versions of these are important rehabilitation tools for men after prostate cancer surgery and are used to prevent nerve degeneration. They are even available on the NHS! In my opinion, anybody who buys one thinking they will add permanent length and girth from continued use falls into the same category of men who bought a Bullworker in the 1960s and 1970s and expected to end up with a body like Charles Atlas!

    So yes this area is still a taboo subject, but live and let live I say – no judgement – whatever floats your boat! I don’t shout my use of them from the rooftops, but I’m also not embarrassed about it either.

    J on

  • As a guy who purchased a number of sex toys over the last few years I find I get mixed thoughts/comments from some people.
    There is a bit of a stigma around it being taboo/dirty.
    My personal view is why shouldn’t I?
    Having spent 4 years not being in a relationship I discovered there’s only so much a hand can do, and if it’s ok for women to buy and use toys to enhance there experiences then why should it be different for me?
    I’m damn glad I have this opinion too as I’ve had a lot of fun using them, and now not just on my own! My partner loves seeing/hearing about my toys and we regularly use them together.
    Just my thoughts but don’t be shy go out and buy haha

    OldHero

    OldHero on

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